New reminders about old truths

Last week, I began reading a book by Ann Spangler called, Praying the Names of God. I love this book and had read it a long time ago but decided to pull it back out as I have been in a dry season for a bit and I am feeling a bit out of sorts. I know enough to know that I MUST go to the source of all comfort in order to be comforted. I am thankful for those that God has graciously put into my life who are willing to listen and offer counsel but there are just some times (really, everytime) that I have to go straight to the Lord. I am crawling to Him. I am inching my way into His presence (not that He has me at arms length, but because of the level of my funk, this is how I feel that I need to approach). I also think, as long as my thinking is right, it is okay to slowly move toward Him....slowly so that I savor all that He is showing me about my own sin and heart. He is kind, isn't he? Kind that He does not show me all my sin at once. Kind that He is gentle in His correction. I have been asking the Lord to make we aware of my sin and He is KIND to do that! Last week at a ladies event at church, a friend shared about time with the Lord and how she acknowledges that it is not enough to say "oh I fell short or please forgive me for sinning, but that as she began to name her sin, she began to see how OFTEN the sin was happening and she was able to cry out to God and do her part in moving away from the sin by putting off the behavior and putting on Christ. Fast forward to yesterday. I took my precious 5 year old to a church wide baby shower and there were lots of people there. I confess that it often makes me nervous to go to these functions because I am a prideful sinner and I don't want her to disobey or do anything that would make ME look bad. Screech!!!! Did you see it??? I am so concerned about her making me look bad, that I don't even think about her SOUL! But wait, it gets better. One of the names of God, EL ROI (the god who sees) was one of the first that I studied in this book. Something happened at the shower yesterday and I responded in an unloving way to my sweet girl. Last night as I was laying in bed praying about the day and thinking through all that took place, I began to fret that someone may have heard how I responded to her! GASP!!!! Oh the shame! (read the sarcasm!) In God's kindness, He brought to my mind, EL ROI.....that He sees. HE saw how I treated my girl and how I spoke to her and not only that, SHE saw how I treated her and how I spoke to her. Oh Lord, please forgive me. I was immediately brought to tears and such grief over my sin. I am so thankful for that. It hurts and it is a slow sometimes painful process but the God who sees, is also the God who knows and who cares and who is drawing me to Himself daily. Thank you Father that you gently remind me of who you are and how I can be more like you. Help me to be mold-able and plyable and teachable!

This time two years ago

Where does the time go? I really wish I could say. This time two years ago, I was a nervous wreck wondering how in the world I was EVER going to love another little girl as much as I had fallen in love with Gracelyn. I worried that I would not be able to fully give myself to another person because I had so fully given myself to her. But you know what? God in His goodness and kindness and wisdom, streaches our hearts and allows us to love even more. I am so very very thankful for Anabelle Kate. I am thankful that she is who she is. I often worry and stew over the fact that she is SO different! And that, she is! But I praise God for her and for the gift that she is to our family. She is a sweet determined little booger and I love her so! So, as I look forward to Saturday and celebrating her specail day, I find myself humbled and amazed that God would choose me to be her mom. I do know that she is mine on loan and only for such a short while. Oh Lord, thank you for giving me the gift of Anabelle! I pray that you would draw her to yourself and cause her to love you with all of her heart for all of her days! Help me to always point her to you and to hold her loosely! I love you Lord and pray in Jesus name, Amen.

I did NOT get what I deserved!

At first blush, the title to this post might cause some stop right here and not read any further. But, I hope you do. The past few weeks, I have found myself in a very blissful state. Have these days been perfect, trial free, fun? Some of the days have been but not all of them. You see, it is all about perspective. It is all about choices. The Lord has been working in my life....showing me sin areas and this is HARD but, good! I praise God for the work that He is doing. So, in the area of my Christian life, I, by Gods Grace, did not and will not get what I deserve. You see, I deserve Hell, but God in His goodness has chosen to pluck me out of the darkness and bring me into the life of His glorious Son. The other area that I did NOT get what I deserve is my marriage. I know, I have not been married for a lifetime yet, and I am excited to see what THAT will hold, but for the almost 14 years, let me just say, I got far beyond what I could have ever asked or thought! When I first got married, I believed that life was about ME. Uh oh! Here we go again! I loved Kevin and wanted to serve him, but deep down, it was so he would praise me and do other things for me to show ME his appreciation. I was a manipulator and could cry at the drop of a hat! Really, He did not get what he DESERVED!!! :)!!! This man considers me. This man prays for me. This man LOVES me. He is committed! He is passionate, compassionate and kind. He is "good" and he loves the LORD. So, in this instance I did not get what I deserved, I got better!!! Lord, thank you for not giving me what I deserve. Thank you that you were pleased to draw me to yourself and to save me. Thank you that you are changing me daily and thank you thank you for my wonderful companion for this world! Thank you for choosing the PERFECT husband for me and the perfect daddy to my girls. Lord, you are good and you do good. Help me to honor you and then Kevin for the rest of my days!

Encouragement

Much has been said on this topic in my "circle" lately. What does encouragement look like, what does it mean? I have been mulling it over for a few days. I believe that encouragement looks different to different people. And, for the believer, sometimes encouragement looks painful. Painful? you ask.....Well, yes. Sometimes, it is painful and hard to hear the truth. Sometimes in LOVE and encouragement, our friends or family might come to us to point out sin or challenge us in our thinking and, if we are willing to humble ourselves to hear it, in the end, we walk away more encouraged....at least I do. It is painful for a time but almost always ends with JOY and encouragement. In the world today, we are told to do what feels good, we are told to take time for ourselves and to forget about everyone else and just focus on YOU. Well, that is NOT what scripture says....Scripture tells us that when Christ redeemed us, He did so in order that we would now be "zealous for good works." In my book, A Gospel Primer, the author says: " Being naturally lazy, I do not normally thrill at the prospect of work; but the more I embrace the saving work of God on my behalf, the more I find myself embracing the works for which God saved me." "And, as I am "working hard" at doing these works for the good of others, I experience the truth of Jesus' words:"It is more blessed to give than to receive." SOOO contrary to what the world tells us. But wow! What about encouraging? I often think about saying a kind word or doing some small deed which DO encourage people but, here are some other ways that I THINK we can encourage one another: These are in no particular order 1. Listen. (this is so hard for me) I mean I LOVE to talk. I do like to listen too but usually, I like to interject something.....But, I am not sure that is REAL listening. I mean I am not saying NEVER interject, but give time and listen. 2. Take an active interest in the life of someone. Find out about what is going on with them and their family. Ask about their kids and how "life" is. 3. Have a meal with someone. Invite a friend over for coffee or a meal. It does not have to be fancy....sometimes just an invitation is enough. 4. Send a card! Everyone loves getting mail 5. Talk voice to voice. ( I have a friend who really does NOT love talking on the phone, but often she will take time to be on the phone with me and sometimes for 30 minutes or MORE! that is love and it encourages me.) 6. Talk about spiritual things. What an encouragement. I mean really, what else in this world matters????? When you share spiritually, I feel way more connected and it provides a level of accountability. It is encouraging to know that I am not on this journey alone. 7. Speak truth! Oy, this one is hard, I know and some of you might be shaking your head about HOW this is encouraging, but, it really is. (this one is hard for me as I do NOT like confrontation) But, the MOST loving thing you can do is point someone to the Lord and to the truth. 8. Do something special. Give a gift (money is tight right now for me and for many that I know, but there are little things that can be done. Hubby and I give little things to eachother that we call "happies") Give those happies. Sometimes, it might be a fun coffee cup that you found on sale or it might just be a candy bar! 9. Pray for people. You don't have to even tell them you are praying. But, one way you can encourage someone is by praying for them and letting them know that you have been praying for them. 10. Share scripture. There are lots of times that I come across a verse and I share with friends or family because I think it would be an encouragement to them. 11. ASK questions! Find out what encourages others. Ask them how you can be an encouragement to them. There are lots of other ways that you can encourage people. And, why not start it at HOME first? I am quick to serve others, but find it hard to reach out to the people within the 4 walls of my home. Shame on me and shame on you too if you find yourself in this place! (notice the encouragement in that?) :) Seriously, though! Find ways to say YES. Find ways to bless your husband or kids. Sometimes, it is in the little things. For instance, my sweet girl wants to do a picnic dinner! How hard is that? really....but for 3 days, I have found myself saying no, not tonight! But, you know what, We ARE going to do it this weekend, and won't she be blessed by it? Dear Father, thank you that you never give up on me. Thank you that you have given us your word to guide us and to help us live a life that encourages others and brings honor and glory to you. Father, help me to live in such a way that others see YOU in my life and help me to encourage others to a life of godliness. In Jesus name, Amen!

what the man in the yellow hat is teaching me

You know the man in the yellow hat, right? Ted from Curious George. I have been watching as my kids call him, George, for about 4 years now. It is a very family friendly cartoon about a little monkey who lives with a man who is a library or museum curator (I think) and this man, only wears yellow and wears a HUGE yellow hat. On the show, the narrator refers to him as the man with the yellow hat, but in the movies, we learn his name is Ted. Well, Ted has been teaching me some things about my own curious monkeys. Now, I understand, this is a TV show and not reality but still, this little monkey is a handful. But, you know what, the man, Ted, he ALWAYS seems to be laughing and having a good time. This is one area that I am weak in, when it comes to my kids. What this really translates to is selfishness. Also, no matter what the man is doing, when George comes into the room, the man stops what he is doing and he relates to George. Often, I am so "busy" that I can't stop to see the rainbow my littles have drawn or the sticker sheet they have completed. One other lesson that the man keeps driving home to me is this: that little monkey is a MESS! Everywhere he goes, he makes a mess, leaves a mess or is just a mess yet, the man always tries to find the good. Once, George tried to make a gift for the man and it wound up being a huge wreck and the man did almost lose it but in the end he saw that George was just trying to please him. Now, George the monkey does get in trouble some, I appreciate that the man does discipline....but he is not rude to the monkey nor does he keep a record of the offense. I need to work harder to discipline without crushing. I am NOT an advocate for "soft" parenting but, I can tend toward harshness and that is NOT what honors the Lord, nor does it encourage my children in godliness. Also, the monkey gets LOTS of baths! That is ONE thing that I share in common with the man! Sometimes the man puts George in the tub for his own sanity! I can totally relate to that. I am so thankful that my kids are curious little monkeys AND I am thankful that they are children and not REALLY monkeys! O Lord, help me to stop and take time to enjoy every moment of every day which is so often hard to do. Help me to know what battles to fight and which ones to leave for another day. Thank you that you are the author and perfecter of my faith and that it is you who causes repentance and salvation in my children. Lord, would you save my children in spite of me and would you help me to be more like the man with the Yellow hat? Help me to have eyes to see good things and wisdom to know when to correct. For your honor and glory in Jesus name!

what's that you say?

today was taht day. you know, the one where you listen to yourself when you should be talking to yourself. the one where you believe you are bad at EVERYTHING! the one where you go over and over in your mind....the only if's. the one where you rehearse how this is all wrong.....a big mistake.....how life was suppossed to be______________...... yes today I listened......i did not stop I did not speak truth to myself......i did not run to the Lord. I chose to listen and wallow and fret and it was a TERRIBLE day. there were even things I should have and could have done in a different way but chose to walk in my strength. alert....alert.....THAT ALWAYS ends in failure. so very thankful for Gods grace iny life. so thankful for my sweet husband who listens and talks to me when I cant seem to muster up the words to say to myself.

An Epic Battle

So, sleep has always been a idol of mine.  Not only do I WANT it, I feel that I need it in order to properly function.  However, over the course of the years, the Lord has slowly been weaning me from my sleep.  Why would I begin this post about sleep.....well, as I have been wrestling with anger and what the Lord says about it, I have purposed to get up early to be alone with the Lord and his Word and guess what, it has not been that hard but you know what is funny???  If I wake up at 5, my kids wake up at 5.  Hmmmm strange don't you think?  And, let me tell you, we do not keep a quiet house so it is not like they can "hear me" and so they wake up.  They both have noise machines on in their rooms and I basically sit in a dark room with enough light to read by.  Call me crazy, but I think it is a spiritual battle.  Because, on Sunday morning, when it is time for Church, I am in their rooms throwing cold water on them to get them out bed!!!  ;)

This morning, was no exception.  The other mornings of the week, my #1 child was bounding down the hall the minute my feet hit the floor and I gently and sweetly sent her back to her room and she complied so I was able to finish my study......not so much today.  (that is a WHOLE other issue) So, discouragement is rising in me.  Thoughts like what is the use?  Why try to change?  If it is always going to be a battle then at least I could sleep a little more and fight a little harder in other ways.....but then, I read this:

Morning and Evening Charles Spurgeon
ps 51:10 Renew a right spirit within me

.....Let thy personal weakness, O christian, be an argument to make thee pray earnestly to thy God for help.  Remember David when he felt powerless did not fold his arms or close his lips, but he hastened to the mercy-seat with "renew a right spirit within me."  Let not the doctrine that you, unaided , can do nothing, make you sleep; but let it goad in your side to drive you with an awful earnestness to Israel's strong helper. O that you may have grace to plead with God, as though you pleaded for your very life......Be in much prayer, live much upon the word of God; kill the lusts which have driven your Lord from you, be careful to watch over the future uprising of sin.  The Lord has his own appointed ways; sit by the wayside and you will be ready when He passes by.  Continue in all those blessed ordinances which will foster and nourish your dying graces; and, knowing that all the power must proceed from Him, cease not to cry, Renew a right spirit within me."

Oh Lord, Create in me a clean heart O God and renew a right spirit with in me.  Cast me not away from your presence Oh Lord, take not your holy spirit from me.....restore unto me the Joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me.---amen!