learning lots

Oh the days are full.  I am tired often, but I am learning so much.  I am loving what I am learning at ladies bible study, and I am loving (though it is sometimes hard) what God is showing me about who He is and who I am in light of who He is.  It is a good and painful process.  These past few weeks have been emotional on many levels.  There have been conflicts.  There have been great needs among my family and friends and I feel needy!  Some needs I am able to meet and some I just can not.  But, God knows.  There are days that I want to just crawl in the bed and never come out and then there are days that I can not wait to get up and see what the day will hold.  I am part of a well-taught church and I believe that I am growing, so I KNOW that I need to focus on what is true and not what I perceive to be true.  I am also reading a parenting book and am not sure what I think about it yet, I may post about it later.  I think anytime you read something, you need time to process it.  I do anyway.

 I was talking to a friend the other day who seems to be in a holding pattern of change....and I said to her you know, pretty soon you will find your new normal and things will be smooth sailing.  Ahhh words that I need to remind myself.  I think that "normal" for me means things always change.  I really thought that I liked change.  I see one of my children struggling with the smallest change and I am wondering where she gets it and then I am reminded that it comes from me!  I like easy change....but most often, growth and change is hard.  I feel like I am in a constant state of change....I find myself once again looking at what I believe about parenting, being a wife, being a worker at home and things like that.....I think that for so long, I have done what I thought was "right" and acceptable which is fine....but, I seem to be at a place where I am wanting more.....I know how that must sound but I mean that I want to understand why I do what I do and does what I do honor the Lord or do I do it out of fear of man or to be a people pleaser?   Oh Lord, help me to focus on what YOU want for me and from me.  Help me to point my kids and all who I come in contact with to YOU and your great love for us.