Anticipation!!!!

Well, I am nearing 33 weeks! I can not believe it! I feel great for the most part. The nursery is painted but not decorated, the showers are planned and the phone tree is growing, right along with my tummy! I am consumed with thoughts of delivery and meeting this blessing. My sleep is restless and my energy is gone! But, I am so excited. I know that 7 weeks is a LONG TIME but I am praying that it goes by quickly. There are many changes happening in the world at large as well as in my little "bubble". I admit that I am quite fearful about some things but, I do know that God is sovereign. We have been so blessed. I am looking forward to meeting this baby but the thought of not being pregnant is sad to me. I have enjoyed every minute of it! I can't wait to get to do it again!!!! I have been so blessed to have the wonderful encouragement of many friends and family and my doctor and nurse have been the best! I keep begging my nurse to help with the delivery but she can't, she has to stay at the doc's office! : ( There is still much to be done...but, I have to keep reminding myself that there is time! Time, Time.....I am pretty sure that I will have to deliver by c-section so, I am hoping to be able to pinpoint a time and date....is that too pushy? We still don't know the sex, but we both have a feeling! We will just have to wait and see!

More Updates

This blog is really probably more for myself than anyone else, but thanks to those of you who do check it from time to time! A lot has gone on since my last post. I have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes and am living through it. The Lord has been so faithful yet again to give me the courage to make it through. It is not fun but it is also not life threatening! I had an uncle die also. My dads brother. Mom and I took a whirlwind trip down to the funeral and back in a day (about 2.5 hour drive) and we also went to visit another uncle who is very sick. The day was great in that Mom and I had some good one on one time but the funeral part was by the best word that I can find, oppressive! How do you cope if you have no hope? I mean really, I struggle sometimes with coping and I DO have hope, but to live everyday not knowing, man, I just guess that I would be like the rest of the family that I am talking about. Now, do not misunderstand me, I want to have a heart for the lost and compassion on those who are seeking the Lord or who don't yet know him, but I felt as though I could not even function. I had prayed and asked several of my closest friends to pray for boldness and grace for me and the Lord did answer. Every opportunity we got, we talked about the Lord and asked questions (to God be the glory!) but, everything fell on deaf ears. Now, I know and believe that it is the Lord that changes hearts and so really we just planted more seeds, but at one point during the funeral, I literally wanted to jump up and shout "you have this all wrong" I wanted to say to the "chaplain", what Bible do you read? I was not all that emotional at the funeral in the beginning but the more the chaplain spoke, the angrier I got and then, I just lost it....I got so upset. I know that I can be dramatic but please bear with me here...at one point I looked at my mom and said "if God chose to strike us down right here, He would be justified in doing so because of the heresy that was spoken at the funeral. (I know that at any moment the Lord is justified in doing whatever He wants but just go with me on this one)....I have 2 family members that I could find that are believers....since my dad died, I have sort of lost contact with his side of the family....much to my shame, but partly because I do not "belong" there....does that make sense? I know they are my family, but I am so different now...(god forgive me for sounding "holier than thou")...I guess what I am really wondering is what do I have to lose at this point if I send them all a letter. The brave thing to do would be to call them and have a one on one phone call but the letter might be the better approach. There are not enough words nor room in this box to say all that I want to say. I walked away so convicted about so many things....and on top of that, our youth pastor is killing it with his messages on Wed nights! So, based on what he taught last night, do I have REAL FAITH? The faith like the Royal Servant who begged God to heal his son or the faith of Abraham who was pleased to follow our Lords command to sacrifice his son? Do I have the faith that the Lord can heal a broken broken family and save their dying souls? You would just have to have heard the lesson....One of the things that Tim said was that the Lord does hear our prayers but He will always deal with us on the most important issue first-spiritually! Oh Father, please deal with me in whatever way YOU see fit! You have taken me many places I did not want to go but you have never left me there alone. Thank you that you are NOT a god that I can control but rather a just and loving father who controls all things. Help me with my heart attitude and clean out the junk! Thank you Lord for who you are and how you work. I love you o lord my strength. In Jesus name...Amen

more randomness

Haven't updated in a while and thought that I would. I am 27 1/2 weeks and ready ready to meet this little lamb. I got sad the other day though thinking that pretty soon, I will not be pregnant any more....Lord willing, I will be again, but I have loved this so much! Someone commented to me that maybe the reason I love it so much is because I thought that it would never happen...maybe so, I don't know, I know others who have loved the whole pregnancy thing too! It really is amazing and I am humbled that the Lord would bless me in this way. I have been pretty tired lately and I guess that is normal. Last night in bed, Kevin and I were talking about baby names....uh, I guess that would be pretty important. We have not really gotten in a hurry about some of this stuff. I mean, in the beginning, I felt the urgent need to get the room ready and do all that fun stuff, but now, not such a big deal to me. I mean, I want to do it, but I am more concerned with the dirty base boards and cob webs that keep me up at night. I do not think my pregnancy has been "by the book" at all. I have not experienced cravings, or felt the need to nest. Maybe the nesting comes later...who knows right? Back to baby names, we are settled on a boy name, but can not find a girl name that just jumps out at us, which leads "some" to think that we will be upset if we have a girl. Let me say loud and clear that we do not care what we have as long as it is healthy!!!! That is for real! We just can't agree/decide on a girl name....and let me add that 10 o'clock at night is not the time to be thinking and talking about it with my baby daddy! : ) I can not believe how quickly the time has gone by. So far, I would not change any part of this process....and, if the Lord should bless us with more kiddos, we feel pretty sure that we will not find out the sex of them either!!! This has been the source of much controversy! Tee hee hee!!! Oh well, more later!

Kicking

Well, finally!!! Tuesday night, Kevin finally got to feel the baby! We were sitting in front of the fire after eating a large bowl of chili and pow! I quickly grabbed his hand and placed it where he could feel the kick and just right on cue, the baby kicked or punched or whatever they do and Kevin nearly lost it! He loved every minute of it! Well, all night long, he waited for it again. The next morning, he woke me up and said, I felt the baby in the middle of the night. I am so blessed to have a "snuggler" hubby! He loves to touch and snuggle and so he will be feeling the baby a lot I suspect in the coming days and weeks.....things are progressing.....my tummy is telling me that there really IS a baby in there!!! Our worship pastor told me on Sunday...that I finally look pregnant....I thought that was nice.

I LOVE THIS!

Have I mentioned that I LOVE being pregnant? It is the greatest feeling ever. I had my appt Wednesday and things are still looking good. Measuring a little bigger than I "should" be. Maybe the baby is coming in March instead of April. Would'nt that be great!!!! Little one is very active at the strangest times. Usually around 2am! Don't know what that means. Kevin is anxiously awaiting being able to feel the kick....we are trying to coordinate it with eachother. I keep telling baby to kick when daddy is around and he does not want to. Rebel already!!!! Just like his father! The time is going by soooo fast. I can not believe it! I can not wait to meet this little bundle. I am feeling things that I have never felt before in places that are "sensitive" and my insides are being tossled all around I think. Still need to paint the nursery...my sister and hopefully Becky are going to do that!! (hint hint) havent gotten around to really asking yet, but hoping that they will take pitty on me!!!!

Reminded

I am once again reminded of God's hand in all our lives. I am reminded that we are not promised tomorrow, that God is Not Tame but He is good, I am reminded that He goes before us. I am reminded that every good and perfect gift comes down from the father of lights and that He withholds no good thing from those who are His. I am reminded that He orchestrates EVERY detail of our life. I am reminded that good friends are necessary and a blessing and that we should make the most of our time with them. I am reminded that a relationship worth having is worth fighting for. I am reminded that we should tell people that we love them and that we appreciate them and value their input into our lives. I am reminded that trials draw us closer to our not tame but good God. I am reminded that we are promised that we will encounter trials but that we should count it all joy. I am reminded that I should hope in God because He is the God of Hope.
I am reminded that I have no right to question the God who tells the stars when and where to shine and who spoke the world into existence but on the occasions that I do, I am reminded of His gentle mercies! Great is Your Faithfulness, O God my Father, there is no shadow of turning with thee....all I have needed thy hand hath provided...Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

My apologies!

I think I need to change the name of my blog from Joy in the Journey to A grumbler on a Journey! I am sorry to all of you who have had to put up with me over the past few days/weeks....my heart is so wicked. I have not had joy. I have so much to be thankful for but have allowed the busyness of life to get in the way and the worries of the world to suck the joy right out of my life. Lord, most of all, I have sinned against you over and over again. Many of my friends are posting about the 1000 things they are thankful for over a period of time. I am going to post a few thoughts here. Thanks for sticking with me friends and Thanks be to God that His mercies are new every morning.

1. My savior
2. My husband (who is bearing the brunt of most of my ugliness right now)
3. This life growing inside of me
4. My family
5. My friends
6. Good health
7. A job to go to for DH and myself
8. A God honoring church
9. Free access to God's word
10. Clothes on my back
11. Food on my table
12. A roof over my head
13. A soft pillow
14. A wonderful house
15. Forgiveness
16. My sister who although she has heard the story many times, listens graciously anyway again and again.
17. A kind coworker who I have grown to love
18. Animals that think I am a great master..(one day I hope to live up to the person my dogs think I am)
19. A family heirloom baby bed and a beautiful new cradle
20. Most of the bills are paid
There is a quick list of 20.....there are so many more....Lord, help me have a thankful heart and focus on the Truth of Your word and who you are....not my circumstances or my feelings.