Monday, June 2, 2014
Last week, I began reading a book by Ann Spangler called, Praying the Names of God. I love this book and had read it a long time ago but decided to pull it back out as I have been in a dry season for a bit and I am feeling a bit out of sorts. I know enough to know that I MUST go to the source of all comfort in order to be comforted. I am thankful for those that God has graciously put into my life who are willing to listen and offer counsel but there are just some times (really, everytime) that I have to go straight to the Lord. I am crawling to Him. I am inching my way into His presence (not that He has me at arms length, but because of the level of my funk, this is how I feel that I need to approach). I also think, as long as my thinking is right, it is okay to slowly move toward Him....slowly so that I savor all that He is showing me about my own sin and heart. He is kind, isn't he? Kind that He does not show me all my sin at once. Kind that He is gentle in His correction. I have been asking the Lord to make we aware of my sin and He is KIND to do that! Last week at a ladies event at church, a friend shared about time with the Lord and how she acknowledges that it is not enough to say "oh I fell short or please forgive me for sinning, but that as she began to name her sin, she began to see how OFTEN the sin was happening and she was able to cry out to God and do her part in moving away from the sin by putting off the behavior and putting on Christ. Fast forward to yesterday. I took my precious 5 year old to a church wide baby shower and there were lots of people there. I confess that it often makes me nervous to go to these functions because I am a prideful sinner and I don't want her to disobey or do anything that would make ME look bad. Screech!!!! Did you see it??? I am so concerned about her making me look bad, that I don't even think about her SOUL! But wait, it gets better. One of the names of God, EL ROI (the god who sees) was one of the first that I studied in this book. Something happened at the shower yesterday and I responded in an unloving way to my sweet girl. Last night as I was laying in bed praying about the day and thinking through all that took place, I began to fret that someone may have heard how I responded to her! GASP!!!! Oh the shame! (read the sarcasm!) In God's kindness, He brought to my mind, EL ROI.....that He sees. HE saw how I treated my girl and how I spoke to her and not only that, SHE saw how I treated her and how I spoke to her. Oh Lord, please forgive me. I was immediately brought to tears and such grief over my sin. I am so thankful for that. It hurts and it is a slow sometimes painful process but the God who sees, is also the God who knows and who cares and who is drawing me to Himself daily. Thank you Father that you gently remind me of who you are and how I can be more like you. Help me to be mold-able and plyable and teachable!