taking every thought captive

Times are NOT hard really.....a few days ago, in my devotional reading, I read about good-day, bad-day mentality....basically how we can fall into the trap of thinking that we have good and bad days based on our "feelings" or experiences. That has really resonated with me. I fall into that trap. Deciding that today was good or bad based on how I perceive the day to have gone. Really, though, every day that God gives me on this earth is and should be a g00d day! I am struggling right now. I am sure that it is anxiety, and tiredness.....I am emotional and not thinking rationally. I am having to take every thought captive and think on what is true. Not what I think is true but what is truly true. It takes work! It is hard. But by Gods grace, I am able to do that. Nothing earth shattering either, just silly stuff that if left unchecked can be harmful....so very thankful though that I serve a God who hears and knows and understands me because He made me. Fearfully and wonderfully!!! I have much much much to be thankful for and much to look forward to. So, for now, I will try to rest in HIM.....and whatever is true, noble,lovely, excellent,worthy of praise, I will think on these things!

Feb 22!!!

My heart is aching for Feb 22....that is the day that Anabelle Kate will arrive!!!! We can not be more excited! We know that there is much to be done but we are just taking one day at a time and working as hard as we can to get things done!!!

getting ready

It is becoming more and more clear that the time for Anabelle is drawing near! We are so very excited and so very nervous. We have been reading and re-reading and God has been kind and gracious to us over these past almost 3 years with Gracelyn. We are currently reading a great book that was given to me by our childrens director at church....the name will come in another post as I don't feel like getting up right now to get it....but anyway...it is a small book on gospel centered parenting....wowzers! This book has been so encouraging, convicting and challenging. Praying that God will continue to give us grace and wisdom as we seek to follow HIM in the parenting of our two girls and anymore that HE may choose to give us!

sickness

Wow! I have not been this sick in a long long time. I mean mind numbing sleeping all day, coughing stupor. It has been rough. Kevin has been great!!!! I am so thankful for a loving husband who wants me to be better (even if only because he desires a hot meal!!; )) It has been good for Gracelyn and Kevin too. It has been good for her to have him all to herself and it has been GREAT for him to see what a day in the life of this momma is all about. He is a great dad but we often don't know or fully understand what eachother faces each day until we are thrust into that role. Thankfully, I will NEVER have to do his job at the crime lab but, I just mean that it is good for us to see the other in action!!! Gracelyn has been challenged in a different way over these last few days because the new sheriff has been in town. Kevin and I strive to be on the same page with discipline and how we long to raise our kids but sometimes when I have been here for 24-7, 365, I have been known to slack off.....so again, this has been a huge blessing for us. I would never wish sickness on myself or anyone else, but GOD uses EVERYTHING for our good. And, this was really good. I am catching up on a lot of needed rest and we are learning new things about ourselves as parents!! Thank you Lord for a sweet family and a selfless husband who has been a great nurse!!!

Is it wise to reason.......

I have been pondering this for a few weeks now. To reason: ask.com defines it as this...a term that refers to the capacity human beings have to make sense of things, to establish and verify facts, and to change or justify practices. .^[1] It is closely associated with such characteristically human activities as philosophy, science, language, mathematics, and art, and is normally considered to be a definitive characteristic of human nature.^[2] The concept of reason is sometimes referred to as rationality and sometimes as discursive reason, in opposition to "intuitive reason".^[3]

Reason or "reasoning" is associated with thinking, cognition, and intellect. Reason, like habit or intuition, is one of the ways by which thinking comes from one idea to a related idea. For example, it is the means by which rational beings understand themselves to think about cause and effect, truth and falsehood, and what is good or bad.

In contrast to reason as an abstract noun, a reason is a consideration which explains or justifies some event, phenomenon or behaviour.^[4] The ways in which human beings reason through argument are the subject of inquiries in the field of logic.

The "reason" I bring all this up is because I have been going through "something"....I am not sure what but I am trying to reason out some things. I also have been trying to reason with my 2 almost 3 year old daughter. I know, I know, you can never reason with a child, but I so want to understand what she is thinking and WHY she is doing some of the things she is doing,( aside from the fact that she is a sinner in need of a savior) and it is driving me nuts!!! I love her to pieces....too much sometimes, some might say, but I am so weary of trying to understand!!! I am new to this parenting thing and at times have been overly sensitive in my approach and reception of council. I don't want to do that. I want to fear God above ALL men and rest in knowing that HE has handpicked me to be the mom of these 2 girls.

I used to pride myself on being a "why" child....it was sometimes seen as a lack of submission and sometimes seen as all out rebellion,....which I am sure at times it was....but often times, it is a genuine sense of wonder and a desire to understand. I know that as a child of God, I don't need or have to question God because ALL HE does is for my good and HIS glory and this I believe with all my heart. But, I digress....what got me thinking about all this reasoning, is over the course of the last few days, Gracelyn has REALLY come into toddlerhood!!! We have seen her as smart and a quick learner, so naturally, we have assumed that she would KNOW why she does what she does, but, she is no different than me really. She does what she does because she desires to please her own flesh.....even if she doesn't know it!!! So, when she smears baby lotion all over herself from head to belly and I ask her why, she proudly replies...."because I did"!!!! Oy, Help me Lord. This has been my cry over the past few days as I have been wrapping my mind around the new year and the joy of the upcoming arrival of baby #2...Help me Lord....Help me to Love these kids the way that You love me. Help me to honor YOU in my marriage and in my parenting. Help me to show Jesus to a watching world but first to my kids. Help, me Father, to stay out of the way as You work in the hearts of my kids. Help me, Lord to point my kids to You at every turn. Help me to fear You MORE THAN ANYTHING. Help me to rest and trust in YOU alone....

There is a song our choir used to sing....I didn't love it the first time I heard it but it keeps going through my mind...I don't remember what it was called but it was an acapella piece.. and the words were: Help me Jesus, Oh help me Jesus...Help me Jesus Oh help me LORD! THIS is my cry!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Wow! What a blessed but very busy weekend. It is over. Can that be right? We have striven all year long to make sure that this ONE weekend was not a rush job and that we would be able to savor every moment. Well, we did savor every moment but there were many moments. We started the weekend by having a family potluck with DH's extended family and then woke up early on Saturday (early as in 2:50 am) and grasped for sleep until 5:50 when there was no other option but to get up. Went to my moms before heading off to do child care at church for the Christmas Eve service and then back to moms for gifts and dinner. Got home that night at 10ish....put out cookies and milk, got to bed, woke up for breakfast and gifts then got ready for church....after church, came home for a big lunch and round 2 of gifts with Aunt Shelley and then down for a small nap....after which, Nan-nan and Papa came out to eat AGAIN and watch a movie! Did I say that we are blessed? We are, we truly are. So much going on in my mind right now, so many things changing and some fears rising up in me yet again but today, just for today, all is well. So thankful that Gracelyn looked forward to giving her gifts as much as she looked forward to getting them. Now, to transition back to real life and get focused on getting things in order and ready for Anabelle Kate.....a little over 7 weeks to go....yes, that is right. CRAZY. So thankful for this life. So ready for the new year. I look forward to the new year like some people look forward to a new school year. I am looking forward to a fresh clean calendar and making some schedules for my family. As I think about the new year, I am hopeful that Kevin and I will be able to sit down and make some goals and plan some things out for the new year. Right now, though, my heart is full.

4 in the A.M.