Monday, October 28, 2013

not sure how to title it

Yesterday was a soul cleansing kind of day for me.  Sadly, I did not get to hear the sermon at church but from what I gather, it was GREAT!  I will be listening to it on line tomorrow....Kevin and I had a wedding to attend at Petit Jean Park and so my mom came to keep the girls.  What that meant for us was a little over an hour drive there and the same time back, just us.  Alone in the car with only our thoughts to discuss.  We have had a rough couple of weeks.  The Lord is working and we are thankful for that, but it has been hard.  So, needless to say, I was weary and really  not wanting to go.  

As we settled in, we were just enjoying the silence when I asked if he was interested in talking about anything serious.  I knew that it was a stretch for him as his week had been major crazy, but I really needed to talk.  So, in his kindness, he said, sure what do you want to talk about?  (I will add an aside here.....) I know that many women are blessed with good marriages and some are not, and not all good marriages look the same.  I have a GOOD marriage.  I have a good husband who is growing by god's grace.  Our marriage is probably unlike most peoples.  We fight hard and we love hard.  We are intense and we are passionate.  All things that are not wrong or bad, just different from what some people would care for.  But, it works for us!  

I began to confess to Kevin that I was dealing with some strong anger issues.  That I had been dealing with some other sinful struggles and that I was nearing despair.  My sweet husband listened to me.  He sympathized with me and listened some more and then, he encouraged me to confess it to the Lord right there and to ask the Lord to give me the grace to move past all that I had shared with him.  He offered me insight and counsel and he committed to pray for me as well.  So, now, here we are, and here is what I am thinking.  I am planning to do a word study on Anger and Frustration.....Kevin says they are the same....And, it the past, I would have said, Oh okay and moved on...(now, I am sure he is right, but don't you think it would be way better for me to search it out on my own and see what the Lord has for ME to learn?)  Yes, I do too....

That is the other thing, I see the kindness of the Lord in that over the past few weeks, I have thinking about what I really believe about certain things and why I believe them and it was like the Lord was confirming for me that I have been given a mind to understand things, and that He is there to teach me.  This is not a new concept nor is it a new concept for me, but it is one that I need and want to pursue.  You see, I have fallen into this pit of doing the "right thing" based on standards that are set by others.....be it family, friends or whomever.......and, most of the things ARE right, but I need to make choices based on what I believe matched against the standard of God's word.  I am excited to see what the Lord has for me.  I am anxious but it a good way.  I hope to post what the Lord teaches me here.....Until then, I am praying for wisdom and for grace as I seek to get up early each day in order to search out what I want to know, and wisdom to understand exactly what the Lord has for me!

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