Anticipation!!!!

Well, I am nearing 33 weeks! I can not believe it! I feel great for the most part. The nursery is painted but not decorated, the showers are planned and the phone tree is growing, right along with my tummy! I am consumed with thoughts of delivery and meeting this blessing. My sleep is restless and my energy is gone! But, I am so excited. I know that 7 weeks is a LONG TIME but I am praying that it goes by quickly. There are many changes happening in the world at large as well as in my little "bubble". I admit that I am quite fearful about some things but, I do know that God is sovereign. We have been so blessed. I am looking forward to meeting this baby but the thought of not being pregnant is sad to me. I have enjoyed every minute of it! I can't wait to get to do it again!!!! I have been so blessed to have the wonderful encouragement of many friends and family and my doctor and nurse have been the best! I keep begging my nurse to help with the delivery but she can't, she has to stay at the doc's office! : ( There is still much to be done...but, I have to keep reminding myself that there is time! Time, Time.....I am pretty sure that I will have to deliver by c-section so, I am hoping to be able to pinpoint a time and date....is that too pushy? We still don't know the sex, but we both have a feeling! We will just have to wait and see!

More Updates

This blog is really probably more for myself than anyone else, but thanks to those of you who do check it from time to time! A lot has gone on since my last post. I have been diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes and am living through it. The Lord has been so faithful yet again to give me the courage to make it through. It is not fun but it is also not life threatening! I had an uncle die also. My dads brother. Mom and I took a whirlwind trip down to the funeral and back in a day (about 2.5 hour drive) and we also went to visit another uncle who is very sick. The day was great in that Mom and I had some good one on one time but the funeral part was by the best word that I can find, oppressive! How do you cope if you have no hope? I mean really, I struggle sometimes with coping and I DO have hope, but to live everyday not knowing, man, I just guess that I would be like the rest of the family that I am talking about. Now, do not misunderstand me, I want to have a heart for the lost and compassion on those who are seeking the Lord or who don't yet know him, but I felt as though I could not even function. I had prayed and asked several of my closest friends to pray for boldness and grace for me and the Lord did answer. Every opportunity we got, we talked about the Lord and asked questions (to God be the glory!) but, everything fell on deaf ears. Now, I know and believe that it is the Lord that changes hearts and so really we just planted more seeds, but at one point during the funeral, I literally wanted to jump up and shout "you have this all wrong" I wanted to say to the "chaplain", what Bible do you read? I was not all that emotional at the funeral in the beginning but the more the chaplain spoke, the angrier I got and then, I just lost it....I got so upset. I know that I can be dramatic but please bear with me here...at one point I looked at my mom and said "if God chose to strike us down right here, He would be justified in doing so because of the heresy that was spoken at the funeral. (I know that at any moment the Lord is justified in doing whatever He wants but just go with me on this one)....I have 2 family members that I could find that are believers....since my dad died, I have sort of lost contact with his side of the family....much to my shame, but partly because I do not "belong" there....does that make sense? I know they are my family, but I am so different now...(god forgive me for sounding "holier than thou")...I guess what I am really wondering is what do I have to lose at this point if I send them all a letter. The brave thing to do would be to call them and have a one on one phone call but the letter might be the better approach. There are not enough words nor room in this box to say all that I want to say. I walked away so convicted about so many things....and on top of that, our youth pastor is killing it with his messages on Wed nights! So, based on what he taught last night, do I have REAL FAITH? The faith like the Royal Servant who begged God to heal his son or the faith of Abraham who was pleased to follow our Lords command to sacrifice his son? Do I have the faith that the Lord can heal a broken broken family and save their dying souls? You would just have to have heard the lesson....One of the things that Tim said was that the Lord does hear our prayers but He will always deal with us on the most important issue first-spiritually! Oh Father, please deal with me in whatever way YOU see fit! You have taken me many places I did not want to go but you have never left me there alone. Thank you that you are NOT a god that I can control but rather a just and loving father who controls all things. Help me with my heart attitude and clean out the junk! Thank you Lord for who you are and how you work. I love you o lord my strength. In Jesus name...Amen

more randomness

Haven't updated in a while and thought that I would. I am 27 1/2 weeks and ready ready to meet this little lamb. I got sad the other day though thinking that pretty soon, I will not be pregnant any more....Lord willing, I will be again, but I have loved this so much! Someone commented to me that maybe the reason I love it so much is because I thought that it would never happen...maybe so, I don't know, I know others who have loved the whole pregnancy thing too! It really is amazing and I am humbled that the Lord would bless me in this way. I have been pretty tired lately and I guess that is normal. Last night in bed, Kevin and I were talking about baby names....uh, I guess that would be pretty important. We have not really gotten in a hurry about some of this stuff. I mean, in the beginning, I felt the urgent need to get the room ready and do all that fun stuff, but now, not such a big deal to me. I mean, I want to do it, but I am more concerned with the dirty base boards and cob webs that keep me up at night. I do not think my pregnancy has been "by the book" at all. I have not experienced cravings, or felt the need to nest. Maybe the nesting comes later...who knows right? Back to baby names, we are settled on a boy name, but can not find a girl name that just jumps out at us, which leads "some" to think that we will be upset if we have a girl. Let me say loud and clear that we do not care what we have as long as it is healthy!!!! That is for real! We just can't agree/decide on a girl name....and let me add that 10 o'clock at night is not the time to be thinking and talking about it with my baby daddy! : ) I can not believe how quickly the time has gone by. So far, I would not change any part of this process....and, if the Lord should bless us with more kiddos, we feel pretty sure that we will not find out the sex of them either!!! This has been the source of much controversy! Tee hee hee!!! Oh well, more later!

Kicking

Well, finally!!! Tuesday night, Kevin finally got to feel the baby! We were sitting in front of the fire after eating a large bowl of chili and pow! I quickly grabbed his hand and placed it where he could feel the kick and just right on cue, the baby kicked or punched or whatever they do and Kevin nearly lost it! He loved every minute of it! Well, all night long, he waited for it again. The next morning, he woke me up and said, I felt the baby in the middle of the night. I am so blessed to have a "snuggler" hubby! He loves to touch and snuggle and so he will be feeling the baby a lot I suspect in the coming days and weeks.....things are progressing.....my tummy is telling me that there really IS a baby in there!!! Our worship pastor told me on Sunday...that I finally look pregnant....I thought that was nice.

The BIG Picture

Okay, I am not a computer person right???? Well, here is the picture of my perfect baby! I know, I know the baby is a sinner...will be born a sinner.....but sure looks perfect to me right now. The ultra sound was AMAZING!!!! Yes, Gina, I figured it out, I got to keep my pants on this time!! The gel was warm too!! An overall great experience. This little love bug was moving his hands all over the place!!! (for ease in discussion, the baby will be referred to as a he)...A few people like Doc, the nurse and the ultra sound tech know the sex, but we are not finding out, and they did a great job keeping it a secret!!! Praise God for this gift of life!!! It also made things even more real for DH...when he saw that little baby moving around, he said "oh my gosh, there is a baby in there"....thank you Lord for a husband who is moved by your love and who is as anxious as I am to see this little one in person!!! Thanks too to all of you who are excited with us and oooh and ahhh at our picture!

the scoop

Okay, here is the scoop...I am going at 2 today for the ultra sound!!! Major excited since we had to reschedule. Trying to stay calm so that my blood pressure will read well. I have documented all the times that I have been taking it and I must say that it is fine.....it just jumps when I get to the office. We DO NOT want to know the sex of the baby and everyone at the office knows this, but,what if it is plain????? Some things you just can't mistake? I will not be devastated by any means, but I hope he/she remains modest and gives us a good look at his/her face and that is all. Please pray. Just feeling a little jittery at the unknown. Already had one ultrasound at 6weeks that required my pants be off.....this one I think is like the ones they show on TV! With the cold jelly stuff and the wand thingy!!! Here's hoping!!! Well, I will update tomorrow on what I find.

ramblings

First let me say a big THANK YOU!! to my sister and her husband...I have been feeling the need to prepare the room for baby but as you might imagine, all of my extra rooms are a mess. Things needed to be moved from one room to another so that the things in the baby's room could be arranged. I know I know, there is time, this is what everyone is telling me but, I am ready to move forward a little with a few projects. My sister and Kevin did all the heavy lifting since my bro-in-law is down in his back and I am with child!! The room is far far far from being ready but it is ready enough to get started on the fun stuff like paint and decorations. I am soooo excited. I know the baby doesn't care what his/her room looks like, but I do! I also have been reading a great book by Elisabeth Elliott I can not even recall the name today but it is about christian family and how she grew up in one and how parents shape a lot of what kids think about Christianity. It is great and when I remember the name, I will post it! Yesterday at church, the baby was moving a bit when the choir was singing....I love it! I pray this little one will love music and love the Lord. I have been struggling for the past few days. A l0t of emotion that I am having a hard time understanding. I have not been right in my responses and I have AGAIN allowed fear to gain a grasp on me. Lord, thank you for your love! Thank you for friends who help me remember your love and how you show it to us and how you call us to love others. Thank you that I can trust you for all the seen and unseen. Thank you that before the foundation of the world, you knew me and you knew the exact place and time that you would bring the blessing of parenthood to pass. Thank you that you are equipping me even now to love you more and to handle whatever comes my way. Thank you that you handpicked my husband for me and that you, in your kindness are continuing to woo me and draw me to yourself. Help me Father to be flexible and teachable and a worthy vessel for your honor and glory!

a change in plans

The Lord is faithful... He is continuing to stretch and grow me. (literally and figuratively)! I was supposed to see my baby today via ultra sound, but as it turns out, my car is in the shop and I have had to reschedule. I am healthy and I feel sure the baby is too....but, I really wanted to see!!! I also have been doing this challenge from Revive Our Hearts...it is a 30 day husband encourager...well thank God for His grace and that His mercies are new every morning....I am needing to start fresh every morning!! ugh! Getting really excited about the baby and seem to be getting larger each day as well. I will post an update for you after I get to see the Doc. No new news really....no cravings or anything like that, I guess...I have always loved food and will continue to!! : )

activity abounds

Well, I must confess that I was starting to worry a bit. I had blogged the other day about possibly feeling flutters but I was unsure. I saw my doctor on Wed last week and said that I was ready to feel this baby. He said it would happen in time and man was he right? Just today, I am feeling something that I have not felt before and it is amazing! You all are right who told me about it. It can not even begin to put it into words. I do get to see this little blessing on Thursday and I can not wait. Over the weekend, I had the joy of spending some time with a new baby (3 mo old) and I even got to dress him...I was more nervous than I thought I would be and I cried as I was holding him. Just thinking that this is REALLY happening to me. Oh Lord, please prepare me. I have longed for this day for so long but I discovered that I am a bit fearful. Anyway, I love how I feel right now. It is the neatest thing. Thanks again to all of you who check up on me. I will post about the ultra sound after it is done and by the way, my blood pressure is better...thanks for praying.

please pray

Went to the doctor yesterday and things are looking good except for the area of blood pressure. I really think it is just my nerves whenever I step foot into the Dr.'s office but either way, I am checking it myself eachday for a week and then going back with my findings. If it is not better, then it will be medication. I am trying to be good and desire to not be put on medication. So, if you think about it, would you please pray for me discipline in my eating and that the Lord would help me get this under control? thanks to all of you who check up on me.

fun fun

Just found out another girl at church is expecting. I am so excited to see what the Lord is doing. I do not really "know" many of the girls at church who are due around the same time as me but I guess the Lord has plans for me to expand my friendships. This is going to be lots of fun.. We are all due around the same time and that should prove interesting for the nursery workers and for all the people planning showers!!! Lord you are good and kind....thank you for the miracle of children. Thank you that even when I was ready to give up, you did not give up on me. Please increase my faith and help my unbelief. Please forgive me for being a fair-weather believer. I want to love you and trust you more and more. By your grace Lord, I know that you will change and grow me. Do with me what you will. I love you Lord!

Something else yummy!!!

Again, needing to drink things that I do not really like, I am trying different ways to have my milk. I think I have found the answer. Milk with Strawberry quick AND a squirt of Hershey's chocolate syrup. Mix it up in your magic bullet and it gets frothy! Yum Yum!

Yummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who do not know, I do not love water! I was doing well to drink 3 bottles a week before baby and now I am drinking 2 ltrs a day or more!!! I am tired of water! I am trying to stay away from the splenda stuff and nutrisweet stuff....this brings us to Kool-Aid!!! Oh yes, Lemon-Lime....last night...now I tried to be good and not add the whole cup of sugar that it called for...I just added 3/4 cup and it is sooooo good!!! You should try it! It went very well with Taco's!

Crazy Dreams

I know that I have heard that sometimes pregnancy dreams can be strange...well, last night, I had a dream so real and so strange that I woke up very very upset. We are not finding out the sex of our baby so we are still tossing around names. We have decided upon a boy name but not a girl one yet. Anyway, we are POSITIVE about the boy name and there is really nothing that I can think of that would make us change that name. Anyway, I had a dream that I had the baby and it was a boy, I held him and smelled him and everything. When we left the hospital, we got the birth certificate and his name was Gabriel James Haddon...... nothing at all like what we are wanting to name our son. I was distraught!!! I called my mom and asked her what in the world we were going to do. I told DH about the dream this morning and he said, no big deal, we could just change it on the birth certificate! So, he was able to calm me down a bit! Have you ever woken up from a dream and been scared and mad all at the same time? I am so tired this morning from being so upset in my dream. The whole Gabriel thing could be because I fell asleep last night watching Hero's....not really sure but I do think this is sorta funny!

cravings???????????

Well, so far, I can not tell if I am having cravings or not. It has not been anything like I see on TV!!! I know, my life is NOT like TV, but you know since this is the first pregnancy for me, TV is all I have to compare it to. I have been drinking milk which is a major deal for me....I hate milk but I have been drinking a bit these past few days. Also, this weekend, I was really hungry for that fried rice that you get at one of the places where they cook it in front of you. Well, needless to say, I convinced DH to go to a place that will remain unnamed and it was YUCKY!!!!!!! I was sooo sad. It just totally made me depressed because I had been looking forward to it all day. But, we didn't go to THE Place!! We went to an imitator and that is why it was so nasty!!! Will we ever learn? I do love TUMS!!! Am needing it a lot these days and will probably need it after I finish this bag of chili cheese Frito's!!

I got my name on the board!

We have a board at church that tells who is new and who is due. I finally got my name on that board! I always did enjoy looking at it and seeing all the info about due dates and then info about the baby after it was born. So, yeah, I am pretty excited that we are up there! Also, just to update. I left my job with my sister in law, it was just too much travel and time away from Kevin. I am now in need of something else for a little while but finding a job is a job. Please pray for me as we wait on the Lord. The timing of the Lord is gracious...this is a "seasonal" time and so I think that I should be able to find something that I can do until January. We will see. "As for God His way is perfect and His word is proven true."

random info

Just some random info for those of you who are reading my blog from time to time. I have been very weary. I am missing hubby a lot. I am working out of town right now for just a little while to help pay for baby. It is great and really no problem except that I love my husband long to be with him any time I can be. Last night at youth though, I was convicted about something. Pastor Tim was talking about love and how when you love something or someone you want to be with them all the time. I got to thinking that I cry sometime when I am away from Kevin and long to be near him again but, how often to I cry because I miss the Lord or long to be with Him? Not to say that I have never cried out to the Lord or longed to be with Him, but you know what I mean? I just need and want to be deep in the Word....therein is life!!!

BBQ hurt me. Spaghetti sounded great tonite but I think I am having a hard time. I have taken a few Tums and we will see if that helps. Mostly, I feel like you do when you swallow a pill and it gets stuck in your goozle!! You know what a goozle is right? Things appear to be progressing well. I do look forward to my Dr. Appointments and can not wait until I get a more defined "bump"!!

10 1/2 week appointment

Praise the Lord! I had my 2nd appointment yesterday! I am only 1 and 1/2 weeks from being through my first trimester. It has been a whirlwind and things have been great! I heard the heartbeat again and found out that I can get off the hormone medicine on the 20th. Also, I did not gain any weight! I am pretty pumped about that! I feel great and am looking forward to great things. Thanks again for all your prayer and support.

quick update

Not much new to report. Missing my friends a lot due to the fact that I am working a lot right now. Have a WONDERFUL husband but that has not changed. I have an appt with Dr. Simmons on Wed and am really looking forward to that. It will be about the 11th week and I am feeling pretty good. Hopeful that things are still moving along well. Things feel the same and we are just trusting the Lord to bring this blessing to full term. Thanks for all the prayers and words of encouragement. It has been a fun fun time.

my new favorite thing

First let me say that I love love love orange juice! I drink it almost every morning and this morning was no exception....however, this morning, I got the honor of throwing it up!!! Not only did I throw it up, but it was pouring down rain, I was in the car, and my head was hanging out the window...I think I will be a pretty good mom because I was able to drive, cry and puke all at the same time!! :) Now, on to better things....Do you know about the Boppy? Well, if you are pregnant, they make one for you. Yes, it is called the Boppy Total Body Pillow and it is for us moms. It is shaped like an "S" and part is for your head, part cradles your belly and the other part goes between your legs. I LOVE it!!! I would use it even if not pregnant. I love it so much that I have 2. One for my house and one for when I travel. That is really all that I have to report right now except that we are not finding out the sex of the baby.....did I tell you that already? Well today, I had a friend give me the cutest shirt that is solid black but in white print, is says, "Not Finding Out"...it is sooooo cute!!