Kicking

Well, finally!!! Tuesday night, Kevin finally got to feel the baby! We were sitting in front of the fire after eating a large bowl of chili and pow! I quickly grabbed his hand and placed it where he could feel the kick and just right on cue, the baby kicked or punched or whatever they do and Kevin nearly lost it! He loved every minute of it! Well, all night long, he waited for it again. The next morning, he woke me up and said, I felt the baby in the middle of the night. I am so blessed to have a "snuggler" hubby! He loves to touch and snuggle and so he will be feeling the baby a lot I suspect in the coming days and weeks.....things are progressing.....my tummy is telling me that there really IS a baby in there!!! Our worship pastor told me on Sunday...that I finally look pregnant....I thought that was nice.

I LOVE THIS!

Have I mentioned that I LOVE being pregnant? It is the greatest feeling ever. I had my appt Wednesday and things are still looking good. Measuring a little bigger than I "should" be. Maybe the baby is coming in March instead of April. Would'nt that be great!!!! Little one is very active at the strangest times. Usually around 2am! Don't know what that means. Kevin is anxiously awaiting being able to feel the kick....we are trying to coordinate it with eachother. I keep telling baby to kick when daddy is around and he does not want to. Rebel already!!!! Just like his father! The time is going by soooo fast. I can not believe it! I can not wait to meet this little bundle. I am feeling things that I have never felt before in places that are "sensitive" and my insides are being tossled all around I think. Still need to paint the nursery...my sister and hopefully Becky are going to do that!! (hint hint) havent gotten around to really asking yet, but hoping that they will take pitty on me!!!!

Reminded

I am once again reminded of God's hand in all our lives. I am reminded that we are not promised tomorrow, that God is Not Tame but He is good, I am reminded that He goes before us. I am reminded that every good and perfect gift comes down from the father of lights and that He withholds no good thing from those who are His. I am reminded that He orchestrates EVERY detail of our life. I am reminded that good friends are necessary and a blessing and that we should make the most of our time with them. I am reminded that a relationship worth having is worth fighting for. I am reminded that we should tell people that we love them and that we appreciate them and value their input into our lives. I am reminded that trials draw us closer to our not tame but good God. I am reminded that we are promised that we will encounter trials but that we should count it all joy. I am reminded that I should hope in God because He is the God of Hope.
I am reminded that I have no right to question the God who tells the stars when and where to shine and who spoke the world into existence but on the occasions that I do, I am reminded of His gentle mercies! Great is Your Faithfulness, O God my Father, there is no shadow of turning with thee....all I have needed thy hand hath provided...Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

My apologies!

I think I need to change the name of my blog from Joy in the Journey to A grumbler on a Journey! I am sorry to all of you who have had to put up with me over the past few days/weeks....my heart is so wicked. I have not had joy. I have so much to be thankful for but have allowed the busyness of life to get in the way and the worries of the world to suck the joy right out of my life. Lord, most of all, I have sinned against you over and over again. Many of my friends are posting about the 1000 things they are thankful for over a period of time. I am going to post a few thoughts here. Thanks for sticking with me friends and Thanks be to God that His mercies are new every morning.

1. My savior
2. My husband (who is bearing the brunt of most of my ugliness right now)
3. This life growing inside of me
4. My family
5. My friends
6. Good health
7. A job to go to for DH and myself
8. A God honoring church
9. Free access to God's word
10. Clothes on my back
11. Food on my table
12. A roof over my head
13. A soft pillow
14. A wonderful house
15. Forgiveness
16. My sister who although she has heard the story many times, listens graciously anyway again and again.
17. A kind coworker who I have grown to love
18. Animals that think I am a great master..(one day I hope to live up to the person my dogs think I am)
19. A family heirloom baby bed and a beautiful new cradle
20. Most of the bills are paid
There is a quick list of 20.....there are so many more....Lord, help me have a thankful heart and focus on the Truth of Your word and who you are....not my circumstances or my feelings.

The BIG Picture

Okay, I am not a computer person right???? Well, here is the picture of my perfect baby! I know, I know the baby is a sinner...will be born a sinner.....but sure looks perfect to me right now. The ultra sound was AMAZING!!!! Yes, Gina, I figured it out, I got to keep my pants on this time!! The gel was warm too!! An overall great experience. This little love bug was moving his hands all over the place!!! (for ease in discussion, the baby will be referred to as a he)...A few people like Doc, the nurse and the ultra sound tech know the sex, but we are not finding out, and they did a great job keeping it a secret!!! Praise God for this gift of life!!! It also made things even more real for DH...when he saw that little baby moving around, he said "oh my gosh, there is a baby in there"....thank you Lord for a husband who is moved by your love and who is as anxious as I am to see this little one in person!!! Thanks too to all of you who are excited with us and oooh and ahhh at our picture!

the scoop

Okay, here is the scoop...I am going at 2 today for the ultra sound!!! Major excited since we had to reschedule. Trying to stay calm so that my blood pressure will read well. I have documented all the times that I have been taking it and I must say that it is fine.....it just jumps when I get to the office. We DO NOT want to know the sex of the baby and everyone at the office knows this, but,what if it is plain????? Some things you just can't mistake? I will not be devastated by any means, but I hope he/she remains modest and gives us a good look at his/her face and that is all. Please pray. Just feeling a little jittery at the unknown. Already had one ultrasound at 6weeks that required my pants be off.....this one I think is like the ones they show on TV! With the cold jelly stuff and the wand thingy!!! Here's hoping!!! Well, I will update tomorrow on what I find.

ramblings part 2 A quest for More

Have you read "A Quest for More" Paul David Tripp....you should!

I got it back out today and here is what I read:

Forgiveness is War:
This war is fought every day on the turf of my heart. But, I do not fight this war alone. The King, who has welcomed me into his better kingdom, is a warrior king who will continue to fight on my behalf until the last enemy is under his feet. This means there is hope for me even though I lose sight of the big kingdom and regress back into the kingdom of self. There is hope for me even though I would rather fight for 15 seconds of self glory than to give him the glory that actually belongs to him. There is hope for me even though I would rather win an argument than reconcile a relationship. There is hope for me even though I would rather fantasize about vengeance than grant quick forgiveness. There is hope for me even though I am good at focusing on your sin while forgetting my own. there is hope for me because I do not fight for my soul alone. Th King fights for me and everytime I ask for forgiveness, he has won another battle on my behalf.

Thank you Lord, for the encouragement found in this great book!

ramblings

First let me say a big THANK YOU!! to my sister and her husband...I have been feeling the need to prepare the room for baby but as you might imagine, all of my extra rooms are a mess. Things needed to be moved from one room to another so that the things in the baby's room could be arranged. I know I know, there is time, this is what everyone is telling me but, I am ready to move forward a little with a few projects. My sister and Kevin did all the heavy lifting since my bro-in-law is down in his back and I am with child!! The room is far far far from being ready but it is ready enough to get started on the fun stuff like paint and decorations. I am soooo excited. I know the baby doesn't care what his/her room looks like, but I do! I also have been reading a great book by Elisabeth Elliott I can not even recall the name today but it is about christian family and how she grew up in one and how parents shape a lot of what kids think about Christianity. It is great and when I remember the name, I will post it! Yesterday at church, the baby was moving a bit when the choir was singing....I love it! I pray this little one will love music and love the Lord. I have been struggling for the past few days. A l0t of emotion that I am having a hard time understanding. I have not been right in my responses and I have AGAIN allowed fear to gain a grasp on me. Lord, thank you for your love! Thank you for friends who help me remember your love and how you show it to us and how you call us to love others. Thank you that I can trust you for all the seen and unseen. Thank you that before the foundation of the world, you knew me and you knew the exact place and time that you would bring the blessing of parenthood to pass. Thank you that you are equipping me even now to love you more and to handle whatever comes my way. Thank you that you handpicked my husband for me and that you, in your kindness are continuing to woo me and draw me to yourself. Help me Father to be flexible and teachable and a worthy vessel for your honor and glory!

a change in plans

The Lord is faithful... He is continuing to stretch and grow me. (literally and figuratively)! I was supposed to see my baby today via ultra sound, but as it turns out, my car is in the shop and I have had to reschedule. I am healthy and I feel sure the baby is too....but, I really wanted to see!!! I also have been doing this challenge from Revive Our Hearts...it is a 30 day husband encourager...well thank God for His grace and that His mercies are new every morning....I am needing to start fresh every morning!! ugh! Getting really excited about the baby and seem to be getting larger each day as well. I will post an update for you after I get to see the Doc. No new news really....no cravings or anything like that, I guess...I have always loved food and will continue to!! : )

activity abounds

Well, I must confess that I was starting to worry a bit. I had blogged the other day about possibly feeling flutters but I was unsure. I saw my doctor on Wed last week and said that I was ready to feel this baby. He said it would happen in time and man was he right? Just today, I am feeling something that I have not felt before and it is amazing! You all are right who told me about it. It can not even begin to put it into words. I do get to see this little blessing on Thursday and I can not wait. Over the weekend, I had the joy of spending some time with a new baby (3 mo old) and I even got to dress him...I was more nervous than I thought I would be and I cried as I was holding him. Just thinking that this is REALLY happening to me. Oh Lord, please prepare me. I have longed for this day for so long but I discovered that I am a bit fearful. Anyway, I love how I feel right now. It is the neatest thing. Thanks again to all of you who check up on me. I will post about the ultra sound after it is done and by the way, my blood pressure is better...thanks for praying.

please pray

Went to the doctor yesterday and things are looking good except for the area of blood pressure. I really think it is just my nerves whenever I step foot into the Dr.'s office but either way, I am checking it myself eachday for a week and then going back with my findings. If it is not better, then it will be medication. I am trying to be good and desire to not be put on medication. So, if you think about it, would you please pray for me discipline in my eating and that the Lord would help me get this under control? thanks to all of you who check up on me.

Laughter IS the best medicine and ice cream

The Lord has blessed me with so many great friends. Last night I got to meet with 4 of them over coffee....Well, they had coffee, I had cold stone creamery and then tea. We laughed and laughed until our guts hurt and then we shared with each other where the Lord has us right now. I am so thankful to know that I am not walking this journey alone and the Lord uniquely has brought these friends into my life who are at different stages in their walk, in their parenting and in their age !! ha ha!! I know I have sooo much to look forward to in the coming days and years! Girls, thanks for the laughs and for being so transparent. I love you all!

fun fun

Just found out another girl at church is expecting. I am so excited to see what the Lord is doing. I do not really "know" many of the girls at church who are due around the same time as me but I guess the Lord has plans for me to expand my friendships. This is going to be lots of fun.. We are all due around the same time and that should prove interesting for the nursery workers and for all the people planning showers!!! Lord you are good and kind....thank you for the miracle of children. Thank you that even when I was ready to give up, you did not give up on me. Please increase my faith and help my unbelief. Please forgive me for being a fair-weather believer. I want to love you and trust you more and more. By your grace Lord, I know that you will change and grow me. Do with me what you will. I love you Lord!

Something else yummy!!!

Again, needing to drink things that I do not really like, I am trying different ways to have my milk. I think I have found the answer. Milk with Strawberry quick AND a squirt of Hershey's chocolate syrup. Mix it up in your magic bullet and it gets frothy! Yum Yum!

Yummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who do not know, I do not love water! I was doing well to drink 3 bottles a week before baby and now I am drinking 2 ltrs a day or more!!! I am tired of water! I am trying to stay away from the splenda stuff and nutrisweet stuff....this brings us to Kool-Aid!!! Oh yes, Lemon-Lime....last night...now I tried to be good and not add the whole cup of sugar that it called for...I just added 3/4 cup and it is sooooo good!!! You should try it! It went very well with Taco's!

Crazy Dreams

I know that I have heard that sometimes pregnancy dreams can be strange...well, last night, I had a dream so real and so strange that I woke up very very upset. We are not finding out the sex of our baby so we are still tossing around names. We have decided upon a boy name but not a girl one yet. Anyway, we are POSITIVE about the boy name and there is really nothing that I can think of that would make us change that name. Anyway, I had a dream that I had the baby and it was a boy, I held him and smelled him and everything. When we left the hospital, we got the birth certificate and his name was Gabriel James Haddon...... nothing at all like what we are wanting to name our son. I was distraught!!! I called my mom and asked her what in the world we were going to do. I told DH about the dream this morning and he said, no big deal, we could just change it on the birth certificate! So, he was able to calm me down a bit! Have you ever woken up from a dream and been scared and mad all at the same time? I am so tired this morning from being so upset in my dream. The whole Gabriel thing could be because I fell asleep last night watching Hero's....not really sure but I do think this is sorta funny!

cravings???????????

Well, so far, I can not tell if I am having cravings or not. It has not been anything like I see on TV!!! I know, my life is NOT like TV, but you know since this is the first pregnancy for me, TV is all I have to compare it to. I have been drinking milk which is a major deal for me....I hate milk but I have been drinking a bit these past few days. Also, this weekend, I was really hungry for that fried rice that you get at one of the places where they cook it in front of you. Well, needless to say, I convinced DH to go to a place that will remain unnamed and it was YUCKY!!!!!!! I was sooo sad. It just totally made me depressed because I had been looking forward to it all day. But, we didn't go to THE Place!! We went to an imitator and that is why it was so nasty!!! Will we ever learn? I do love TUMS!!! Am needing it a lot these days and will probably need it after I finish this bag of chili cheese Frito's!!

small update

Not too much to report. Had my check-up and have gained 2 lbs. Feeling great except getting a lot of headaches. I am drinking a lot of water but I am still getting them from time to time. Also, I think....I am not sure but I think I felt flutters yesterday. I am not sure what that feels like but I did feel something different during church yesterday. So, if that is what it was, that is very exciting. I also went to the True Woman '08 Conference in Chicago and had a blast. I got spoiled by some great friends and was treated to a shopping spree at Motherhood!!! I will try to post some pictures soon. So many highlights from the weekend. I would encourage you all to check out True Woman.com for some highlights. thanks to those of you who do keep up with me here.

I got my name on the board!

We have a board at church that tells who is new and who is due. I finally got my name on that board! I always did enjoy looking at it and seeing all the info about due dates and then info about the baby after it was born. So, yeah, I am pretty excited that we are up there! Also, just to update. I left my job with my sister in law, it was just too much travel and time away from Kevin. I am now in need of something else for a little while but finding a job is a job. Please pray for me as we wait on the Lord. The timing of the Lord is gracious...this is a "seasonal" time and so I think that I should be able to find something that I can do until January. We will see. "As for God His way is perfect and His word is proven true."

random info

Just some random info for those of you who are reading my blog from time to time. I have been very weary. I am missing hubby a lot. I am working out of town right now for just a little while to help pay for baby. It is great and really no problem except that I love my husband long to be with him any time I can be. Last night at youth though, I was convicted about something. Pastor Tim was talking about love and how when you love something or someone you want to be with them all the time. I got to thinking that I cry sometime when I am away from Kevin and long to be near him again but, how often to I cry because I miss the Lord or long to be with Him? Not to say that I have never cried out to the Lord or longed to be with Him, but you know what I mean? I just need and want to be deep in the Word....therein is life!!!

BBQ hurt me. Spaghetti sounded great tonite but I think I am having a hard time. I have taken a few Tums and we will see if that helps. Mostly, I feel like you do when you swallow a pill and it gets stuck in your goozle!! You know what a goozle is right? Things appear to be progressing well. I do look forward to my Dr. Appointments and can not wait until I get a more defined "bump"!!

10 1/2 week appointment

Praise the Lord! I had my 2nd appointment yesterday! I am only 1 and 1/2 weeks from being through my first trimester. It has been a whirlwind and things have been great! I heard the heartbeat again and found out that I can get off the hormone medicine on the 20th. Also, I did not gain any weight! I am pretty pumped about that! I feel great and am looking forward to great things. Thanks again for all your prayer and support.

quick update

Not much new to report. Missing my friends a lot due to the fact that I am working a lot right now. Have a WONDERFUL husband but that has not changed. I have an appt with Dr. Simmons on Wed and am really looking forward to that. It will be about the 11th week and I am feeling pretty good. Hopeful that things are still moving along well. Things feel the same and we are just trusting the Lord to bring this blessing to full term. Thanks for all the prayers and words of encouragement. It has been a fun fun time.

my new favorite thing

First let me say that I love love love orange juice! I drink it almost every morning and this morning was no exception....however, this morning, I got the honor of throwing it up!!! Not only did I throw it up, but it was pouring down rain, I was in the car, and my head was hanging out the window...I think I will be a pretty good mom because I was able to drive, cry and puke all at the same time!! :) Now, on to better things....Do you know about the Boppy? Well, if you are pregnant, they make one for you. Yes, it is called the Boppy Total Body Pillow and it is for us moms. It is shaped like an "S" and part is for your head, part cradles your belly and the other part goes between your legs. I LOVE it!!! I would use it even if not pregnant. I love it so much that I have 2. One for my house and one for when I travel. That is really all that I have to report right now except that we are not finding out the sex of the baby.....did I tell you that already? Well today, I had a friend give me the cutest shirt that is solid black but in white print, is says, "Not Finding Out"...it is sooooo cute!!

"Food" for thought

Well, some of you have told me about ways to avoid "sickness".....some of you have said to eat more and some have said to drink more and others still have said to take the vitamin at night. So, today I am going to try the vitamin at night. I have tried to eat more....this morning for breakfast, I did pretty good and then at lunch, I was dying for Taco Bell...it was GREAT going down!!! I loved every minute of it but after a while, not so much!!! I didnt get sick, but I burped it up all afternoon!!! Then for dinner the best choice for me was a cheese burger and when it came, I ate two bites and was so full, I could not breathe!!!!! What is going on? Back in the day, I could have eaten the whole burger, fries and a piece of cheese cake!!! I guess this is good, because my goal is to only gain 25lbs. Some think that is an unreasonable goal, but I am trying to take care of myself. So, if this keeps up, I might just make it. This baby does like Mexican though I think. Taco Bell was a little much, but well worth it at the time.

just an update

not much to tell right now. Today I am celebrating my 8 year anniversary! My sweet hubby sent me some beautiful flowers. I am feeling a bit puny today. Very sleepy! I guess that is normal right? Have a bit of a headache and I think it is due in part to a lack of water.....I must do better in that area! Ya'll pray for me that I will take good care of myself and do what I know I must do. Like drink water.

First comes love then comes marriage......

Then comes Summer with a baby carriage!!! Literally!! Last night, much to my joy and surprise, Leah and Becky gave me the most perfect gift! I have a charm bracelet, it is called Pandora and they gave me a baby carriage charm!!! I love it. What a joy to have a friend who has seen you through love, marriage and now a baby!!!! Things are good here by the way. Last night at church, it was fun because the rumor was out!!! So many people have prayed for us and with us and to share this news was the best. Thanks for all the info on maternity clothes by the way. And Gina, thanks for thinking about me for the box of maternity stuff, I will sure take it!! Stay tuned for more on this saga. Is it too early for me to have cravings? I am not sure if this was a craving or if I am just a pig and want what I want. But, I am eating a lot of peanut butter right now. Who knows, right? Thanks for checking on me!

more pregnancy notes

I know, it might get old to some of you, but I can not stop saying it! I am pregnant!!! I feel great! I am very tired and have had a little nausea but nothing that I can not handle. I want to eat right and take good care of myself but I seem to be very hungry during the day but not a whole lot at night. I know that I am not nearly showing yet, but my pants are already feeling tight! At the first of the day, they are fine but by 5 or so, they feel soooo tight!!!! I guess that I am going to have to get some granny panties and then move on up to the next size.......do you think that I am ready to get maternity pants? I don't think so, but some of you who have been down this road, tell me what you think. Thanks for sharing in our joy!! We are blessed!!!

With God ALL Things are Possible

Well, I do not even know where to begin. It has been a long time since I have posted so I may not even have any blog followers anymore. That is okay. I originally started this blog to put my own thoughts down and it turned into a place where I got to catch up with people and meet new friends. For any of you who do not know, I have been married to my wonderful husband for almost 8 years and for nearly 5 of those, we have been trying to get pregnant. We have had ups and downs over these years but, we have been trusting in the Lord! DH has been way more faithful than me and he has never given up, I on the other hand have wavered in my faith more than once. Six months ago, we began using a fertility monitor which basically told us when the peak time for us to try would be. Well, as the Lord would have it, we are finally pregnant!!! Yes, it is a very big shock and a pleasant pleasant surprise!!! I am now 7 weeks and we have had an ultra sound and heard the heart beat! What a joy!! We have been in a daze!!! WE have been rejoicing and are so full of praise to the Lord for what He has done for us. Now, I would appreciate your prayers and look forward to sharing with you all that this new journey will involve. Praise be to God

Caution, I am thinking again!!

Okay, for those of you who do not know me well, I think a lot! Now, that is not to say that I am smart, or an intellect....I think it is partly rebellion that is rising up within me to swim upstream and to challenge the "norm"...sometimes though, I think it is just some twisted wiring in my brain that needs some medical attention. (you laugh,but if you were my pastor or care group leader, you might tend to agree) Phil 4:8 is a perfect passage for me to memorize because I tend to let my mind wonder and wander about things. Here is a perfect example: it is 12:23 am...I went to bed at 10:00pm and laid there for an hour unable to sleep and then I decided to get up. Recently, I bought some Peaches and thought that if I ate one, it might help me fall asleep. Here is what got me thinking.... I LOVE peaches but I have to peel them, I am a texture weird 'O and can't do the peel...so, if I do not like the peel, then really what I like is nectarines and not peaches right? This is just one mild example of a more serious problem. My thinking and questions have caused trouble in the past and I hate that. Really, sometimes, I just have questions. Sometimes I think about how dogmatic I am about certain things. You know, we say the sky is blue because someone told us it was, but how do we know that blue is really blue? What if blue is yellow and we have been wrong all this time? Do you see what I mean? My brain is on overload and I have too much to do not to be sleeping. Please pray for me.

Oh Joy!

Sorry it has been so long since I have posted. Like most everyone else, I have a few things going on right now. But, here I go again! The Lord has been doing a lot in my life in the past few weeks. There has been some change as I have posted about before and things are a struggle now and then, but true to Gods way, He has something for me to learn through all of it. I pray that my heart is pliable enough to learn it quickly!! This summer, some of the young ladies at church are going through a book called " A Young Woman's Walk With God" by Elizabeth George. It is a really good book and it is a modification of her book " A Woman's Walk With God" also good. The young woman's book is talking about the fruits of the spirit and what they look like and how we practically live those out. Yesterday, we went over Love and Joy! The chapter on Joy is titled, A Happy Heart! Whoa, stop right there, I am convicted. I talk a lot about joy but often times, others can not see joy in my life. Listen to what Elizabeth says, " ...true spiritual joy shines brightest against the darkness of trails, tragedy, and testing. Later, she goes on to say that joy is experienced anywhere and at any time. Because, phillipians 4:4 tells us to rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS! The phrase in the Lord points out WHERE our joy comes from.....it has nothing to do with our circumstances but it has everything to do with our relationship with Jesus Christ. The real point of this chapter is that True Joy can only be found in Christ and that as a believer, I have the option to choose joy for myself. That is where the rub begins, sometimes, I choose sorrow and misery because they "seem" better for me at the time, they feel better often, but the fact of the matter is, Jesus is the real joy giver. So, I am trying to find joy in every situation these days. It is hard sometimes, but this is something that I know God calls me to and it is a desire of mine to obey and follow Christ. Please do not misunderstand me, there are real legitimate sorrows and fears and things like that that we all face and go through. I guess the point that I am taking away is that God does not want me to stay there, it is a battle for my mind and my heart everyday to CHOOSE joy in the midst of hurt, burden, fear, sadness. But, when I turn my eyes toward Christ and begin to praise God for who He is and what He has done, the joy comes like a tidal wave over my soul!!! I got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart where? down in my heart where? down in my heart and if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack!! Do you remember that song? A group of friends and I are memorizing some psalms together this summer and they have been such a comfort to some of us. Ps 42, and 43..look at them!! Thank you Lord, that I can hope in God, He is the God of Hope and that I can have the Joy that only comes from walking in fellowship with you. You are lovely and an awesome God!!

Small faith, Big God

This is such a good thought that I had to share it with you all. I am struggling a bit as we all will from time to time. But, I have been so blessed by those that the Lord has put into my life. I was talking to a mentor of mine today telling her of my struggles and saying that I am sad that my faith is so small. She reminded me that although my faith is small, my God is big and that is a great comfort. I know that is true but I long to grow in faith. The Lord is doing that for me, let me assure you, but I want the growth and my response to be neck and neck....good and right. Lord, thank you that you are a big God and that you are good even when I might think differently. Thank you that you are faithful and true, and that you do not change. Thank you that even when I can not muster the courage or desire to come before you, like the lover of my soul that you are, you gently whisper to me and call me to your side. Thank you seems so little to say to YOU my father. I love you and I long to worship you in a way that points others to you and takes the focus off of me. Father, please forgive me.

Another Great Book

So many wonderful books to read, I wish I had all the time in the world. I can not complain, I do have a lot more time than some people I know so.....Well, this latest book is one that I have known about for some time, but just recently saw it on a clearance rack at one of my favorite stores....The book " E.M. Bounds on Prayer" Wow, so convicting and eye opening. I am so guilty of anemic prayers...the Lord has been so gentle in bringing these things to my mind as I have read this book. The chapters are short and fairly easy to digest. Do not get me wrong...there is a lot of thought provoking stuff here not to be taken lightly, but a great read. Here is some of what I read today:

A quote by Fenelon- " In God's name, I beseech you, let prayer nourish your soul as your meals nourish your body. Let your fixed seasons of prayer keep you in God's presence through the day, and may His presence frequently remembered through it be an ever fresh spring of prayer. Such a brief, loving recollection of God renews a man's whole being, quiets his passions, supplies light and councel in difficulty, gradually subdues the temper, and causes him to possess his soul in patience, or rather gives it up to the possession of God."

Bounds says: " Thus in every circumstance in life, prayer is the most natural outpouring of the soul, the unhindered turning to God for communion or direction. Whether in sorrow or in joy, in defeat or victory, in weakness or in health, in calamity or in success, the heart leaps to meet with God, just as a child runs to his mother's arms, ever sure that her sympathy will meet every need." He goes on to talk about prayer as a habit and our lack of prayer. He says, " The explanation of our thoughtlessness or forgetfulness lies in the fact that prayer, with so many of us, is a form of selfishness; it means asking for something for ourselves-that and nothing more. And from such an attitude, we need to pray to be delivered."

Father, I confess that I do lack such a prayer life that would bring you ultimate glory. Please forgive me for my selfish attitudes and lazy habits during prayer. I want to grow in that way..to pray without ceasing and to reach your ear at all times praying in your will and standing ready to receive your answer. Lord, you work all things to our good and to your ultimate glory which is and should be our goal and desire in prayer. Lord, thank you for eyes to see these great books, a head and heart that can reason with the words, and an understanding of what must be done to grow more into your likeness. Thank you Father, that prayer is that intimate connection with You and because of what Christ did on the cross Lord, I am able to enter into fellowship with You. Lord may it never be taken for granted.

Amen

WI-FI and Cheese Dip

This is a strange thing to me but who I am to complain? AS I have posted before, I do not have high speed internet, just dial up but at a small country store down the road from where I live, they do have free wi-fi and they also serve food...so with gas prices the way they are, I am able to drive a very short distance to come and upload pictures to my snapfish account, or send a few emails or just do whatever I need/want to do with my computer and on top of all that, for just $2 I can get a genuine order of chips and cheese dip to boot. Only in Arkansas!!! It is a new experience for me but one that I could get used to! Don't knock it till you try it!!!

What is meekness?

Well, I can for sure tell you what it is NOT! It is not me! And, I am ashamed to say so. But, here is what Matthew Henry says that it is....."Meekness is a victory over ourselves and the rebellious lusts in our own bosoms; it is the quieting of intestine broils, the stilling of an insurrection at home, which is often times more hard to do than to resit a foreign invasion. It is an effectual victory over those that injure us, and make themselves enemies to us, and is often a means of winning their hearts.

He goes on to say..." The law of meekness is if your enemy is hungry, feed him , if he is thirsty, not only give him a drink which is an act of charity, drink with him in a token of friendship and true love and reconciliation and in so doing, heap coals of fire upon his head"....here to me is the interesting part, the coals of fire are not to consume him, but to melt and soften him that he may be cast into a new mold...."

Meekness again is a victory over Satan, the greatest enemy of all. Now, what is meekness but the soul's agreement with itself? It is the joint concurrence of all the affections to the universal peace and quiet of the soul, every one regularly acting in its own place and order and so contributing to the common good. Next to the beauty of holiness, which is the souls agreement with God, is the beauty of meekness which is the soul's agreement with itself."

So, needless to say, I have a long long way to go in the area of meekness. If you are wondering, the name of the book is THE QUEST FOR MEEKNESS AND QUIETNESS OF SPIRIT......Matthew Henry

Learning is so fun!

I am having such a great time as I sit in the Word and meditate on what God has for me there. I celebrated a birthday last month and one of my gifts was a cookbook similar to one that I already had, so my sweet friend gave me the receipt to take it back. (FYI-a true friend does not get her feelings hurt if you already have one of what she got you or you just plain do not like it, she also does not mind if you sell what she has given you in a garage sale at some point!! ) Thanks for being that kind of friend to me!!!! Anyway, I digress....with the money I got from the cookbook, I was able to put it toward a WONDERFUL resource that I have just been learning about. Matthew Henry's Commentary! It is so huge and so wonderful! I have loved it and been looking at it often. I have MILES to grow in my christian walk and this is helping me in the journey. Today, I read Psalm 121...as I was looking at vs5-6...The LORD is your keeper; The LORD is your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

Here are a few of the things that I learned, The word Shade used here is used as Refreshment ......M.H. " He not only protects those whom he is the keeper of, he refreshes them, He is their shade. Also, I learned in that same verse, "he promises to be our umbra-our shadow, to keep as close to us as the shadow does to the body..." "Under this shadow, we may sit with delight and assurance; He is always near to his people for their protection and refreshment..."Is that a great God or what?

Father, thank you for being my umbra! Thank you for being refreshment to my soul and for being a shadow of protection and my keeper. Lord, thank you for answered prayer and for meeting with me. I am so unworthy but because of your great love for me, you do meet with me and I am ever grateful.

Sweet Laughter

With all that I "seem" to have going on right now, I had the wonderful blessing of spending some time with my sister, her family, my brother and 2 of his kids and my mom. My brother who I do not get to see often due to the fact that he is in the military, was in town to visit his two daughters this week and we decided to have a family cook out with my sister tonight. My brother manned the grill while we all played ball or threw a Frisbee in the back yard. It was a sweet time. I sooo love seeing my nieces and nephews anytime that I can. They grow up so fast and it makes me long for the day when they were babies!!! :( We played American Idol on the play station and it was so much fun. My nephew is AWESOME at all that electronic stuff so he got to be in charge.....my nieces just jumped right in and sang their little hearts out. There has been so much that has gone on in our family, that this was a nice time to see everyone let their hair down and just be together. I love being an Aunt. I loved kissing and hugging the kids tonite. My younger niece is still at the age where she will love and hug and just let you comfort her. I took advantage of that tonite because it is what I needed and I think it helped her out too. I am so blessed to have nieces and nephews that want to spend time with me. They think that I am weird but that is okay... Lord, thank you for my great family, help me not to waste time, help me to speak of You and to show your love as I am around them. Lord, thank you for a sister who believes in You and who longs to live her life in a manner that brings you glory. Lord, would you capture the hearts of my nieces, and nephews and draw them close to you. Use me in whatever way that you see fit. I thank you for the awesome privilege that you have given me to be part of this family. Protect my brother as he goes back home and Lord if you are willing, please grant us the opportunity to see his wife and other 2 kids soon. Thank you again Lord! Amen

Learning something new!!

Well,
Today I had a wonderful day at the Farm. I got the opportunity to spend the day with a friend, her kids and her mom. I learned how to crochet. Well, sort of. I have a long way to go but my teacher was patient and very very kind. So, I look forward to seeing all that I will be able to accomplish!!! Thanks Ms. Ruth for giving me a great lesson and the fellowship was great too!!!

good news

There are lots of things that count as good news but mine today happens to be that my cell phone was not lost, just hiding from me and my dog had 3 puppies yesterday! I have never seen an animal give birth....WOW it was awesome. God is so good and it is neat to see how He uniquely created each creature to know how to care for their young. Now, the fun begins with keeping things clean and safe for the pups. They are very cute and I can not wait until they get a little bigger so that I can play with them.

UGH!!!

I have lost my cell phone!! I cleaned house all day today and talked on it one time. I have gone through the garbage and every place that I was today to try to find it. Yes, I called it, but the battery is dead!! What am I going to do? I do not care that I am without the phone, but how much is it going to cost to replace it? The other thing that is going on is that my sweet molly dog is having her puppies right now I think. I am very excited about it, I have never seen an animal being born so it should be interesting to say the least. I will keep you posted about my phone and the pups!

Sisters, sisters!!!

I hesitate to write this about my sister because I know she reads my blog, but I am glad that she does. I wish you all knew my sister. She is great. She is very talented and she puts up with a lot from me. I do joke around and tell people she is my MUCH older sister....she is 8 years older than me but looks about 10 years younger than me. Go figure!!! This weekend, I had a yard sale with a friend and my sister was to get her wisdom teeth taken out on Friday. Well, Thursday night, my sister stayed up until midnight with us trying to help and then got up at like 6am to help us get our stuff out, then, she had her dentist appointment and on Saturday, she made a cake for a baby shower. If I could figure out how to upload a picture, I would show you how awesome this cake was. Did I mention that she made the grooms cake for my wedding? She is the best! Angie, I love you and I am so glad that God hand picked you to be my sister.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a sanctuary

Well,

The past few days have been, well, they have been less than wonderful. I hate it when that happens. This morning driving to church, I was crying out to God asking for forgiveness for some things that had taken place over the last day and a half and confessing to God that church was the last place I wanted to be but knowing that it was the very place that I needed to be! Praise God that He met with me there. Praise God that I have kind and loving friends who see me and ask how I am doing and know that I am having a hard time but encouraging me in the word and encouraging me to press on, to engage at church and to get into Gods word. I am reminded of a song that a sweet friend has sung at church before and some of the words are....where else have we to go when You alone have words of eternal life? Gods words are the words of life even when life seems yucky!!! Especially when life seems yucky! I am so thankful that I have a church that is truly a sanctuary for my soul and that Gods words and His people are salve for my hurts. I am also thankful for forgiveness and reconciliation. Thank you Father that You alone have words of eternal life. Thank you Father for the public reading of your word and for the words of the Psalmist...Create in me a clean heart, o God and renew a right spirit within me. Thank you for meeting with me today. I love you Lord but not nearly enough. Thank you for conviction and for only showing me small amounts of my sin at a time. You are a good and loving God, just and righteous! Thank you for my church and for the body of believers that you have placed in my life. You are alone are worthy!

Life song

I love music! I love to sing and to learn new music, I love to hear other people sing. It is so amazing to me how a song can minister to my soul and lift my spirits. It is also often that a song brings conviction to me as well. Last night, I went to hear Keith and Kristyn Getty in concert. Wow!!!! They came to my church in October of last year but I worked in the kitchen so I was unable to hear the concert. I could not help myself, I had to buy the cd. If you do not have it, you should get it. There is one song on the cd that just meets me right where I am in my journey through this life. I wanted to share the words with you here.

Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer

Jesus, Draw me ever nearer
as I labour through the storm;
you have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn

(refrain)
May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith,
and at the end of my hearts testing
with your likeness let me wake

Jesus guide me through the tempest
keep my spirit staid and sure;
when the midnight meets the morning
let me love you even more

Let the treasures of the trial
form within me as I go-
and at the end of this long passage
let me leave them at your throne.

Lord,
Let this be my prayer!

changes

So much change seems to be happening here at my house. I do not even know where to begin. First of all, things are changing the most for my sweet husband. For the past 4 1/2 years, he has been his own boss. He owns his own business and the Lord has blessed. But, recently, with the change in the housing market, business has slowed down so much so that it has become necessary for him to find additional work. Just when I thought that my love and respect for him could not grow anymore, he goes and does a thing like this! I have a friend who is listing the things that she is grateful for and right now, my hubby and his willingness to do the hard thing would be at the top of my list. We are getting up very very early to get him out the door these days and so I am looking forward to what the Lord is going to do in my life as I have early morning devotions with Him. My heart is swollen with pride that I have a hard working godly husband who will do whatever it takes to care for me. I have a renewed vigor for my job at home and look forward to seeing him walk through that door. It is a transition in that we would talk several times each day and if he wanted to take time off to stay at home or just putter around, he could do that. Now, we get to talk at lunch and when he gets home. It does make our time together sweeter though and so that is pretty good. I need prayer though because I want to continue to get up with him and help him get out the door and those of you that know me know that I LOVE my sleep. But so far, so good. Anyway, the Lord is so kind to us. I know this and I want to learn what He has to teach us through this time. If you have not thanked your husband today for all that he does to provide for your family, I would encourage you to do so. Maybe some of you work outside the home too, but still, you do not know how your words of encouragement might minister to your husband, I know they mean the world to mine. So, kuddos to you honey!!!!!!!!!!!! You are the best. I love you!

Just a thought

We have been waiting for our "new" rooster to crow since he has been moved from his old home to his new one. It is possible that he is crowing but we are unable to hear because of the noise machine in our room or the fact that he is so far away from our house. But, this morning, I was up early and had the dogs outside when I heard him. 3 times he crowed, and it surprised me! It was a really neat sound. But, it got me to thinking about when Peter was telling Jesus how much he loved Him and Jesus said that before the rooster crowed 3 times, Peter would in fact deny Him. Strange, I know, but I began thinking about that and found myself saying that I would Never deny Christ in that way! But wait, would I? As I thought about it more, I thought of all the missed opportunities to share Christ that I have had, or what about the times when I have blatantly sinned when I knew that others were watching me? I was convicted that I do not always show Christ to a watching world. So, it may not be that I deny Him as verbally as Peter did, but in my thoughts and actions, I do not always put Him first in my life. I am so thankful for little glimpses of my sin that the Lord gives. Thankfully, He slowly reveals these things to us. But, I would challenge you to think, what have you said or done that could possibly count as "denying" Christ?
Lord, thank you for your Son, thank you for conviction of sin and thank you
that you do not leave us where we are. Thank you for my rooster and the lesson that we have to learn from Peter. Father, please forgive me for the missed opportunities and for all the times when I did not live for you. I want my life to be a reflection of my risen Lord and and Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, in whose name I pray. -Amen

Put off - put on

Last night at youth group, after Tim taught, we went back to our small groups and did the normal question thing but then, Hannah did something really great!

Eph 4:21-24...that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.

She started talking about what it practically looked like to put off and to put on. She said that it is easy to think about what we would put off but what would we replace it with? So, she asked the girls to brainstorm and just start saying the put offs and put ons that would replace. Have you ever done that? I mean it was so convicting. I know that I struggle with sin EVERYDAY but what can I DO to change it. Well, first, I need to pray and confess and then I need to renew my mind but then I need to make the action of putting on a priority. So, we went around the room and asked the girls to share two of the put offs that we could pray for them about. I think it is great when we can openly share our struggles and pray for one another and it is never too early to start teaching young women this. So, mine were.....put off- over sensitivity and put on -the truth and the other was to put off fear and put on trust and rest in the Lord. What would you put off today?

additions to the farm!

Well,
not to mention the weekend was busy with Easter fun but we also made some additions to our "farm"! Thanks to some friends at church, we got 5 hens and one big fat rooster! We are getting about 4 fresh eggs again and that is too much fun. For those of you who do not know, we had chickens before, but they were eaten by raccoons. Yes, that is right, those buggers will eat anything! So, now we got the coop 'coon-proof and brought those babies home!

Good Friday...No, GREAT Friday!

Have you ever wondered why the Friday before Easter Sunday is called "Good Friday" and not Great Friday? If you are a born again Christian, this is a thought that may have run through your mind. If you are not a christian, let me tell you why this Friday is so Great. If this day had not happened, there would be no need for the Sunday that followed to be called Resurrection Sunday. You see, Christ paid the ULTIMATE price for sinners and was crucified for our transgressions (sins) on this day...He was beaten, mocked, spat upon and tormented, yet Not a word did He speak. 1Peter 2:22-24 "Who committed no sin,Nor was deceit found in His mouth", who when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously, who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we having died to sins might live for righteousness- by whose stripes you were healed. What this means is this: Friday had to happen so that on Sunday, Christ could defeat death, Satan and the grave to have the ULTIMATE victory and to grant to those who would believe, Everlasting Life! Christ IS RISEN! So, the next time you think about the weekend of Easter, think about the events that took place to make your eternal life in Christ possible and I bet that Good Friday will no longer just be good to you , it will be Great! Praise The Lord!

God is sooooo good!!

Yes, God is good all the time!! But, I wanted to share some recent "goodness" that I have been party to. Let's start here.....I have a friend who is adopting a child from Vietnam and while they are away, I got the privilege to keep her 3 kids for part of the weekend. That in and of its self was AWESOME but, to top it off, we got to have the family tickets to see the NEWSBOYS in concert on Saturday night!! Again, that was great, but during the concert, the youngest child was having a bout with homesickness and so we went out to get some snacks and fresh air...while we were up there, the V.P. of marketing for the Newsboys saw us and came and talked with us and brought the sweet boy a hat...then she began to ask me about the child and I told the story of the parents in Vietnam and do you know what the Lord did then? The lady smiled really big and said, "I want to give you some back stage passes!!!!" So, we got to go backstage and meet all the band members and take some pictures...The older 2 kids were very excited as well and that was really great. It was so kind of the Lord to provide that distraction for them. Then, today, I was cleaning out some drawers (I am preparing for a yard sale) and I found $20 folded up and "hidden" in a drawer. And then, when I was cleaning out a bathroom drawer, I found another box of contacts!!! I was needing some new ones but have not yet made the appointment to go. S0, all this to say that I have been sooo blessed these past few days. As a christian, I know that I am blessed everyday just because of what Christ did on the cross for me, but it is very nice to be tangibly reminded of His Goodness that is so undeserved. Thank you Lord, that you are so faithful to me.

Just had to share!

Where to begin? I am currently trying to read several books right now in my quiet time and I ran across several things today as I read that I wanted to share with you. First, in Desiring God, John Piper is talking about the form of worship..he says that forms of worship should provide 2 things, channels for the mind to apprehend the truth of God's reality and channels for the heart to respond to the beauty of that truth-that is, forms to ignite the affections with biblical truth and forms to express the affections with biblical passion. Later, he goes on to say, "But in the end, form is not the issue. The issue is whether the excellency of Christ is seen. Worship will happen when the God who said, "Let light shine out of darkness" shines in our hearts to give us "the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ" (2 Cor 4:6) He closes with this, and I mean, it was so good to me this morning....it is an exhortation.. "Don't let your worship decline to the performance of mere duty. Don't let the childlike awe and wonder be choked out by unbiblical views of virtue. Don't let the scenery and poetry and music of your relationship with God shrivel up and die. You have capacities for joy that you can scarcely imagine. They were made for the enjoyment of God. He can awaken them no matter how long they have lain asleep. Pray for His quickening power. Open your eyes to His glory. It is all around you: The heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament shows His handiwork" (ps19:1)

The other thing -out of Captured by Grace-The chapter is called The Clear Perspective of Grace

David Jeremiah says : " Salvation is the ultimate version of the "new you"..Having been told that you are a new creation, you expect to rise and walk in newness of life. Why, then, do we have this creeping suspicion that nothing has changed? Why do we still struggle with so many challenges in life: hasty words, compulsive habits, seductive temptations? Why don't we feel the moment-by-moment desire to be all the wonderful things Christ has promised us we can be? Take Heart! Every single one of us who answers to the name christian, is a fellow struggler in this regard. There is no "microwave" serving of spiritual maturity. We all have to "work out our own salvation with fear and trembling" (phil 2:12)...later as he talking about John Newton, he quotes Newton as saying," I hope it will always be a subject of humiliating reflection to me that I was once an active instrument in a business at which my heart now shudders". But, I remember two things, That I am a great sinner and that Christ is a Great Savior." (this is relating to his past as a slave trader) I know this is long, but I LOVED my morning looking at these things.... I walked away so enriched... but I will dwell on this last quote..." I am a great sinner but Christ is MY great Savior! Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for taking the time to read all this! :)

Snow and almond M&M's

Beautiful!!! We woke up again today to more snow. And, because I live in the woods, it is PERFECT!!!! We have tons of birds on the porch and in the "naked" trees! At 7:00 am when my hubby went out to spray off the dish (this is very important because we must watch FOX news at all costs), he saw several deer running over the ridge behind our house and he said it was neat. If I get savvy, I might even post a picture of the snow. You know, we get real excited in the south when we get snow. I hope if any of you are getting snow today that you will take the time to enjoy your day. Often times when things like this happen, we think "oh, No!" my plans for this weekend had to be changed, but we must remember that Man plans his steps but it is the Lord who directs his path. Have a great day!! Oh yea, I almost forgot...the M&M's.... I do not love chocolate. I have a friend who does love it and often times we laugh that we do not know how we are friends because we really don't like a lot of the same things...anyway, I do LOVE almond M&M's and have a big bag that I am working my way through. Since there is snow on the ground, it is okay to eat like a maniac right? It is this thinking that has gotten me in the pickle that I am in now. Well, I did get on the treadmill this week and I lifted 2oolbs of salt for our water system yesterday..so, I will just await Monday to start fresh right? ha! ha!

Cozy by the fire

I love my house. I am not going to lie. About 4 years ago, my hubby and I moved out the the country and we have never looked back. We have a great fireplace that I spend a lot of time in front of (probably too much time)! I was just sitting here, you guessed it, right in front of the fire, and the crackle and pop of the logs has got me captivated. Okay, you might be thinking that I need to get a life, but really, I LOVE the one I have. There is something to me about the "sound" that the fire makes, that makes it so cozy. Yes, it is warm and I love that too, but, have you ever just sat and watched your fire? You should sometime. It is great "therapy" . Looks like I will be having therapy for a few days now as the news reports that we are in for some spring time snow!! This should be lots of fun. Now, to a more serious note, I am so amazed by the Lord, once again, He has allowed me to be in a place where I am forced to realize that it is HIM alone that I need. Last night at youth group, some discussion took place that left me thinking that for sure and for certain, the Lord uses imperfect vessels to do HIS perfect work. Lord, once again, I thank you that YOU are sovereign. I thank you that you knew just what conversation was going to take place last night and the you even ordained it. Although, I was fearful and unsure at times as to what to say, I take comfort in knowing that you did not need me to accomplish your plans for last night. Thank you that you grant grace to me each moment of the day. Lord, I do love you and I want to represent you well in all that I say and do. As a friend of mine often says, Lord let me decrease as you increase in my life. I love you Lord.-Amen

Snow!!!!!

Oh what fun!!! I woke up early this morning because I had to be somewhere today at 8am.....and when I looked outside, I saw the most BEAUTIFUL sight!!! Snow in March. I live in Arkansas so this should be no surprise right? It is supposed to be over 60 tomorrow. It is a wonder that we do not all have pneumonia. Today is my friends birthday too. I wish you the best my friend! The sad thing to me about the snow is that it will be ugly in just a few hours as it begins to melt!!!! Well, after I get the sleep out of my eyes and settle in for some time with the Lord, I am sure that I will be back to post again.

First Post

Well,

This is my first post on my new blog! I am excited. I live in the woods and I have a VERY slow computer so I do not get on here much, but I will try to everyday. I am reading a lot these days and learning so much! I just got back from some much needed time away. I went away over night with some dear friends of mine to a womens retreat to hear Susan Heck. If you are not familiar with her, check her out, I will be posting some info on how to find her in the future. She was awesome! and, the Lord has pointed out so many things that I need to work on. Thank you Lord that you are so patient with me. Thank you that you do not show me all of my sin at once. You are Kind and Gracious. Lord, help me to be more like Christ! I will tell you that I have been praying that the Lord will teach me to love Him more for quite sometime now, well, in the kind way that He does, the Lord showed me the passage that says "If you Love me, Keep my commandments" WOW!!!! I have read that hundreds of times, but it was like this time, I was hit between the eyes, I am so disobedient!!! How can I grow to love the Lord more, I need to be more obedient!!! Lord, you alone can teach me this!! How I long to do your will.